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journal entry
bcc05

By bcc05

lost is my guilt. my compassion is worn thin. i have only desire, lust, and power driving me. i want to be me again. was i ever me? will i be me? i feel as if my vision is opaque. i can't see anything clearly. one day. a series of happenings that should not have been. anxious and anticipating the next series. this will never stop and i finally see that. finality. that is where life begins. when you see the end, you live forever in its finality. bask in the glory of the end. compromise. to compromise. to compromise myself. these situations. these dreams. this reality. it is all too much and yet still, not enough. i do not dare ask forgiveness. i am not sorry. acceptance. that is all that can be. understanding that is knowing my truth. no one knows me. you can guess. judge. believe. but not a soul sees. my soul left. all it left was me. as i am. i am. you are you. if life was meant to make sense, it would. there is no end point. there is no goal. look deep. see what i see. randomness. lack of patterns. never ending sequences. it doesn't add up. i have lived long enough. i have seen much. i have done so little. what am i?
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